Am Like My Father?

I have a confession to make. I am terrible at DIY.

You know the Mitre 10 advert talking about the DIY guy versus the guy who pays someone to do it for him? I’m the guy that pays—or rather, I’m the guy that tries to do it himself, makes a massive mess and then asks his mates to help.

According to the popular view of New Zealand men, one of the key things you must have to be a good Kiwi man is the ‘number eight wire’ mentality, including being good at DIY. It’s almost as essential to being a good bloke as liking rugby. Or, going back to an old Mitre 10 advert, DIY is supposedly part of the Kiwi DNA.

In a very roundabout way, all this got me thinking about Father’s Day. Because, for me, the lack of these practical skills is part of my DNA, something I have inherited from my dad.  

The older I get, the more people say to me that I do things like my father, and the more I notice how much I’m behaving like him. I use his gestures, use his phrases, have his love of extremely strong black coffee, get annoyed by the same things and read the same books. I even told one of my nephews a dad joke the other day. (Note to self: NEVER do that again!)

It’s one of those inevitable things in life that we all end up like our parents in so many ways. According to a poll last year by the website netmums.com, most people think they turn into their parents at 32. (Are you working out if that happened for you? Everyone else is.)

The assessment of how we’re like our parents seems to start pretty young though. Among my friends, people seem to start debating whether little Johnny looks more like his mum or his dad the moment the first pictures hit Facebook.

Although some people don’t like it, I tend to take it as a compliment when people compare me to my dad and say I’m like him. Sometimes I even try to behave like Dad, because I like his values, especially the way cares about people and wants to get to know them regardless of who they are.  

Of course, nobody is perfect—and there are ways you really don’t want to be like your father or ways you really don’t want your partner, friend or sibling to be like their father. Some people just make bad fathers.

I have two friends who’ve just become dads in the past year and another who’s going to be a dad in a few months. Talking to all three about being a parent they’re all desperate to be good role models and scared of stuffing it up.

From a Christian perspective, the Bible talks a lot about God as being the perfect father and talks about his values as being values that men (and women) should aspire to—to be good blokes (and good women). Fortunately for me, those values—like love, mercy, forgiveness, justice and responsibility—go a lot deeper than DIY skills.

They’re also ones that I think everyone, Christian or non-Christian, can accept as being good values. I figure Father’s Day is as good a day as any to ask myself how much am I like that father and do people see those values in me?

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by Robin Raymond (c) 'War Cry' magazine, 6 September 2014, pp3.
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