Building a lasting bond

I really couldn’t have asked for better parents. They loved me, set in place boundaries, encouraged me to always give my best and inspired in me my own faith in God. So, as a parent, I’ve had a great example to follow. Yet I still feel largely untrained and ill-equipped for the responsibility of raising our two fantastic sons. It seems that every time I think I’ve started to get it sorted, they grow up a little and I’m back catching up again!

A few years ago, a friend of mine sent me a list of things he wanted to pass on to his kids before they left home. It was a long list: from passing on a love for God, through to practical things like being able to cook a meal, and even to dancing publicly without embarrassment.

It made me think about what I would most like to impart to my sons, and my number one priority has to be to model a vibrant love for God. The challenge is that this starts with me modelling the way. This is hard, but hopefully I can do this by sharing how God is impacting my life, having conversations about choosing to do what Jesus would do over what I’d like to do, teaching in Kids Church, praying together, and an (perhaps too occasional) willingness to admit when I get it wrong.

I desperately want to be there with them throughout their teenage years and to be the first person they come to when they need to talk, not the last person. One of my favourite quotes comes from Mark Twain: ‘When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.’ I often share this quote with my boys—especially in one of those ‘I told you so’ moments, so that hopefully they will still consider my advice when they’re tempted to write me off.

Building great relationships take time, so I try to make the most of my opportunities with them. Meal times typically involve me asking (grilling them?) about their day, and in particular, about friends and play time. I try to drive them places so we can talk in the car, and bedtime typically means wrestle and chat time.

I also want to surround my boys with good influences, so that they have other people speaking similar messages to me into their lives.

Finally, I want to enjoy them and make the most of our time together. It helps that I like them—and I want them to know that! My older son Liam (13) really enjoys mountain biking, so we often go out riding together; while my younger son Anthony (11) enjoys sports, so I help coach his teams and we play outside together.

We can’t control exactly what our children grow up to be, but research shows that parents remain the greatest influence in a child’s life. That’s why, during the few short years they are at home, it’s really important that I’m intentional about the kind of influence I am in my sons’ lives. Being a dad is one of the highlights of my life.

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by Alastair Kendrew (c) 'War Cry' magazine, 6 September 2014, pp9.
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