Don't Make Me Unfriend You

Embarrassing our kids or grandies on Facebook is a right of passage—for both parties. But here are some etiquette tips to help you stay ‘friends’ online.

Cindy is friends with her kids on Facebook, but it comes with conditions: she is not allowed to be the first to ‘like’ a post. And she is only sometimes allowed to ‘like’ or comment on a post (it’s important to feign indifference). She can’t post anything too gushy. She’s can’t be too proud. And she definitely must not ‘friend’ her kids’ friends …

The point behind this complex set of rules is that we take an interest, but we don’t intrude on our kids’ growing independence. Or as Ehren K says in ‘The Older Generations Guide to Facebook Etiquette’: ‘Our parents, they do some stifling stuff on Facebook … Don’t make me unfriend you, Dad. I’ll do it.’

Watch, but don’t comment: Of course you can comment sometimes. But when they post a pic of themselves at a party, under no circumstances say anything like, ‘I hope you are getting time to study.’ Or anything that vaguely resembles parenting.

Don’t add their friends as friends: Let them have their own friends—and let them come to you in person with any real relationship issues.

Don’t ask what LOL means: It does not mean ‘lots of love’. Don’t ask about or use acronyms unless you are sure of the meaning. If in doubt, go to urbandictionary.com.

Don’t be ‘creepy’: According to Ehren, creepy behaviour includes looking at and ‘liking’ old photos (it’s stalker behaviour), checking out ‘friends’ of the opposite sex for girl/boyfriend material, and sending friends game invites.

Do stay interested: It’s important that we are part of our kids’ online lives—we can support them to build good boundaries, relationships and behaviours. But our kids have trusted us enough to allow us to ‘friend’ them, and we should trust them in return. If you see concerning behaviour—such as bullying—talk to them about it in person. You can still be their parent, just not online.