Freedom in a teacup

If we will only make the time, healing can come through the simplicity of a face-to-face conversation over a cuppa or a shared meal.

I turn 40 in February. Some of you reading this will think ‘Jules, you’re just a baby!’ Others of you will be shocked I got ‘old’ so fast. Ask my teenagers and they’ll tell you I’m positively ancient. Now, let me put your minds at rest: this article is not going to be a mid-life rant, although my impending birthday milestone does serve to illustrate a point that matters very much in mission.

You see, the older I get, the more I am challenged not only by the complexities of life, but also by how these complexities impact faith and our capacity to experience the abundant or ‘full’ life we are promised in Christ. John 10:10 says, ‘The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I [Jesus] have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.’

I have seen the debilitating work of ‘the thief’ and feel a depth of anguish in my own faith experience as my knowledge of the harsh realities that mark the lives of many people in our community grows. I knew it was tough out there for many Kiwis, but since our corps-based Community Ministries (CM) emerged here at East City (in Howick, Auckland) a few years ago, I have seen and heard things that have broken my heart, messed with my head and truly stretched my faith—and therefore, also my approach to ministry and discipleship.

The result being that I long to see people set free from the consequences of other people’s sinful choices upon their lives.

I long to see people set free from the guilt and condemnation that comes with the consequences of their own poor choices and past mistakes. And I am discovering, along with my wonderful Community Ministries team, that freedom is possible—absolutely!

While ‘anything is possible with God’ (Luke 1:37), we know that the freedom Christ offers still has to be chosen and received. And for this sort of freedom to be desirable, people need to see it in us. And they need to see that it works in the everyday stuff of life over time. They need to know that freedom is possible even
for them!

We have a wonderful team of staff and volunteers at our corps-based CM at East City in Auckland. Most have come to faith and ministry over the past four years through CM. And I wouldn’t trade them for all the ‘professionals’ in the world! Why? Because freedom is something that can’t be learnt in a classroom or a lecture theatre;
it is something that is experienced.

The profession of freedom that comes from a faith experience is something precious and vital that has a life all of its own. If you have been cared for and accepted where you are at—supported and empowered to make different choices, and loved into faith even though you keep messing up and stumbling backwards every now and then—you carry something special from this. You carry something life giving. You carry the experience of being made free! And all you want to do is pass this on and bring freedom to others.

Such freedom is communicated through the ‘profession’ of caring. This is the most important service we can provide. Food parcels, budgeting, WINZ advocacy, addiction referrals—all of these things play an essential part, of course. But in and of themselves they are empty tools without the accompaniment of ‘caring for people’. Taking the time to listen, share stories and to offer love and support as people find strength to make better choices is unquantifiable in its power to transform all of us.

So, freedom in a teacup? Absolutely!

I wonder if we have seriously underestimated the power of God at work in us to bring freedom and healing through the simplicity of a good, old-fashioned face-to-face conversation over a cup of tea or coffee, or a shared meal.

This may seem obvious to many of you. But let me ask you, when did you last sit down and have an unhurried cuppa with someone in desperate need and living in survival mode? Someone who has barely slept because they are spending the nights in their car? Someone who hasn’t had a hot meal in days? Someone who is so agitated they can barely think straight, let alone express themselves coherently? Someone who lives in constant fear of their ex-partner discovering where the children are staying? Someone who has forgotten how to smile, let alone laugh? Someone who has no reason to trust you because everyone else she’s trusted has let her down? Someone who has tried other agencies and has come to us in a last-ditch effort?

We can offer real freedom with the simple, timeless tool of ‘tea and sympathy’. There’s actually something to be said for Grandma’s remedy of ‘let me make you a cuppa, dear’ when the yoghurt hits the fan. Something very real happens physically, emotionally and spiritually when we sit down together and care enough not just to listen, but to really give a hoot.

Don’t believe me? At a recent CM workshop, we were shown a clip about the neurological functioning of the brain that validates this. I was astounded to learn that when someone has been enduring the unrelenting stress of just surviving, the amygdala (a part of our brain) is in constant overdrive, producing adrenaline. This is mentally exhausting and draining, and prevents normal rational brain function from kicking in—which can lead to anxiety and depression, with the resulting sleeplessness and loss of appetite.

Amazingly though, when we sit down with someone over a cuppa and ask questions and listen, the amygdala gets a rest, and normal rational brain function takes over. As the brain begins to function normally, the process of reversing some of the negative impact of the overworked amygdala begins.

Freedom in a teacup as face-to-face conversation (and the ensuing response to facial expressions and language nuances) enable a slow but profoundly real process of healing. To top it all off, even the smallest hint of a laugh produces serotonin in the brain—that’s the good stuff! And this can all happen over a cuppa. Powerful!

But here’s the real challenge: one cuppa will rarely be enough. So are you willing to have another? And another? And another after that … for as long it takes?

Caring is a process of building trust. We must seriously grapple with the fact that transformation depends a great deal on the love of God mediated through us over time, sometimes years.

The messier things get, the more the call to care must not be compromised. We need to prove that we can be trusted and that we will be consistent with our care and support.

And so, when it comes to our Salvation Army mission, I see now more than ever before that our role as ‘carers for people’ is to work alongside God and to call people to freedom. Freedom is caught not taught, because some people have absolutely no idea what it looks like. It’s our job to show them the freedom that leads to abundant life. That’s what God is calling us to!

So, freedom in a tea cup? Give it a go!

Capt Jules Badger is a corps officer (pastor) with her husband Mat at East City Salvation Army

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by Jules Badger (c) 'War Cry' magazine, 6 September 2014, pp18-19.
You can read 'War Cry' at your nearest Salvation Army church or centre, or subscribe through Salvationist Resources.