Get a mentor - be a mentor

Who are the people who have had the greatest impact in your life? Some of the greatest influencers in my life are those I have been intentional about allowing to speak into my life through a mentoring relationship.

Mentoring in a Christian context is simply investing into the life of someone by encouraging and empowering them to grow as a disciple of Jesus. When we give permission to someone who has been on the Christian journey longer than us to speak with truth and wisdom, it helps us to flourish. We become like those we spend time with, so it is important to be intentional about relationships that can impact us positively.

Time and time again in the Bible, we see one generation investing into the next: Jethro and Moses, Moses and Joshua, Naomi and Ruth, Mordecai and Esther, David and Solomon, Barzillai and Kimham, Elijah and Elisha, to name a few. God even required the Israelites to share stories of what God was doing from generation to generation. Psalm 145:3-4 says, ‘God is magnificent; he can never be praised enough. There are no boundaries to his greatness. Generation after generation stands in awe of your work; each one tells stories of your mighty acts.’ Growth comes by embracing the experience and stories of the generations before us.

One of the amazing things about the Church today is her intergenerational nature. I love that the Church spans across so many generations! It’s a big family, filled with grandparents, parents, aunties, uncles, brothers, sisters, children and grandchildren. And each generation has the potential to invest in the one that is coming. Picture a relay race, where the wisdom, dreams, possibilities, experiences and stories of one generation can be passed onto the next, so that the next can pick up, take off and continue running the race.

Following Jesus is not always easy, but within the Church, we are surrounded by people who love us and want to see us succeed. And more often than not, they’ve been where we are. They get it. And they are willing to share their learning with us, so we can grow, becoming more like Jesus and fulfilling his purpose in our lives.

Since I was 17, I’ve been intentional about having a mentor. I’ve always looked for people who inspire me. These are people who have a relationship with Jesus I admire; I see them growing in his likeness and there are aspects of their life that encourage me to be more like Jesus. I see something in them that I desire, so I’m intentional about getting them in my life so I can learn from them and catch their passion.

Elisha had a great mentor in Elijah. He saw that Elijah carried a powerful anointing. And before Elijah was taken up into Heaven by God, Elisha asked for a double portion of that anointing for himself. He asked and he received it.

Is there someone in your life who you admire and respect because of the relationship they have with Jesus, the way they live their life, their heart for justice, their passion for prayer, or the anointing they carry? Do they carry something in a spiritual sense that you would like to have in your life? If so, be intentional: ask them if they would be willing to meet with you regularly as a mentor.

One of the greatest benefits I’ve found in having a mentor, is having someone to be accountable to. When I set a goal, I know that my mentor is going to ask me how I’m going with it the next time we meet. She holds me accountable in my relationship with Jesus and in my relationship with others because she wants to see me develop and grow. It’s helpful because I know I’m more likely to follow through on something when I’m going to be held accountable. I also appreciate being asked tough questions that challenge my thinking.

Mentoring relationships are often seasonal. When we ask someone to mentor us, we aren’t asking them to commit to a lifelong relationship! We’re asking them to speak into our life for this particular season that we are in.

And different people have different approaches to a mentoring relationship. One of my previous mentors would meet with me fortnightly ato do some Bible study or go through a workbook together. Another mentor would meet with me regularly for coffee where we’d focus on key challenges I was facing at the time. Each of these was just what I needed at the time.   

A successful mentoring relationship is dependent on vulnerability and honesty. If we really want to grow, we need to be willing to share some of the deep parts of our lives: our fears, our dreams, our mistakes, our flaws, our areas of struggle, our strengths, our relationship with God, and our relationships with others. This requires an initial level of trust, which is further cultivated through journeying together. As that trust deepens, so our willingness to share and become vulnerable increases. This trust and vulnerability needs to be mutual.

No matter how I feel going into a mentoring session, I always feel really good when I come out. I feel uplifted, encouraged, able, valuable and of worth. I’m always inspired to grow in my relationship with Jesus. When times are tough, I’m filled with hope to persevere. Mentoring has helped me grow in my relationship with Jesus—in my understanding of who he is, and who I am in him.

If you want 2015 to be a year in which you grow as a dynamic disciple of Jesus, I encourage you: get a mentor and be a mentor.

Lieutenant Sammy Millar is a corps officer (pastor) at Sydenham Salvation Army.

A word to the mentors

Identify early on the purpose of your mentoring relationship.

What does this person want to gain and how do they expect you can help them grow? It’s about doing life together—they see something in you that they want to emulate, so just be yourself. If this feels overwhelming, start by doing a study, reading a book, or by practicing spiritual disciplines together. Conversation and reflection will flow from that.

Don’t be afraid to ask the tough questions.

What have you struggled with the most this month? What has been your greatest highlight? How do you think you could have handled that particular situation better? What is God speaking to you about at the moment? How have you done with that goal you set last month? What can I pray about for you? People grow when they are held accountable. Aim for the person you’re mentoring to grow to a place that is beyond where you are. Don’t be threatened or intimidated by their growth; it means you’re doing a great job. In a relay race, a runner eventually overtakes the one they are receiving the baton from. Your role is to pass on what you carry. For a while you run alongside each other; but when they have the baton in hand, you let them run on ahead.

It’s okay to make mistakes and not have all the answers.

When those you are mentoring fail, let them know that’s okay—and encourage them to start again. You have much to offer, so speak words that encourage, empower and give life. Give opportunities that will challenge and extend. Be vulnerable, sharing openly and honestly from your own experience. Let them into your life. Pray together, with and for each other.

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by Sammy Millar (c) 'War Cry' magazine, 21 February 2015, pp18-19.
You can read 'War Cry' at your nearest Salvation Army church or centre, or subscribe through Salvationist Resources.