Getting emotional - Part 3

Che Cormack of The Salvation Army in Napier spent time in prison for drug dealing, where he learnt that his drug abuse was driven by his inability to process difficult emotions. Che shares ideas about building a healthy emotional life.

I was pretty angry the other night. I was home alone, it was late, I’d just got the kids to sleep, and I was still doing dishes and making lunch. Looming in my mind was the knowledge that at 5 am, the whole saga would start again. I was seething. I won’t tell you all the thoughts running around my head, but they were selfish, accusatory and immature.

The truth is that after a long day, a late bus and when more effort is required at home, I’m very susceptible to anger. Thankfully, I’ve learnt not to say the nasty things floating around my mind, but it took too many conflicts with family members before I mastered that skill. I hope one day I’ll be able to better rein in my thoughts, like I’ve practiced controlling my tongue.

It’s often the next day in my conversations with God that my attitudes get adjusted. God reminds me of the decision I made to commit my life to my wife and children. He reminds me to love my wife like Jesus Christ loved the Church (so much that Jesus sacrificed himself for the Church).

One of the first truths God taught me after I became a Christian was that he had given me a spirit of power, love and self-control. When I was in jail, I used that power to face conflict and danger without fear. And now, in my marriage, God is helping me to exercise that self-control by controlling my temper, my tongue and my behaviour.

For me, ‘self-control’ means looking to God, the Bible and his teachers in the church to learn the right skills to act wisely in all situations. In every situation, God provides many skilful ways to react; the challenge is choosing the right skill at the right time.

For example, Jesus treated people differently in the different situations he encountered. He became friends with prostitutes, drunks and thieves, embodying his command to love your neighbour. Conversely, Jesus was angry at many of the religious leaders of his time, vehemently chastising them. He even physically ran some money lenders out of the temple because they had turned God’s house into a place of greed and dishonesty.

The Bible describes Jesus as ‘the Lion of the tribe of Judah’ (Revelation 5:5) and also as ‘the lamb that was slain’ (Revelation 13:8). This is what my anger often boils down to: will I react to as a lion or a lamb? Only God can guide me in that decision, which means I need to be very familiar with God’s voice and be willing to put my faith into action by obeying what God says.

When a situation or conflict arises where our reaction may not be productive—especially where anger is involved—that is the moment to pause and quickly ask God: lion or lamb?

For me, God mostly says ‘lamb’. And so I’m practising and practising (because God always gives us plenty of opportunities for growth). Maybe one day, I’ll have this lamb routine down pat, and then God might trust me to roar like a lion a little more often. But not yet.

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by Che Cormack (c) 'War Cry' magazine, 18 October 2014, pp10.
You can read 'War Cry' at your nearest Salvation Army church or centre, or subscribe through Salvationist Resources.