I died twice in one day

Stephen Blakey lay dead after suffering a massive heart attack. While doctors tried to revive him, he experienced the tangible presence of God. It left Steve a completely changed man. This is his story, told in his words.

The moment my life changed was Saturday, 29 September 2014, at precisely 9:06 am. It was the first time that day that I died.

I was doing what I loved most in the world: sailing. I was never happier than when I was out at sea. But on this day, I realised that I had been ‘lost at sea’ all my adult life, and had never known it. I had been out on the water with my son-in-law Ben, and we had got back into the harbour. I told Ben that he could go, because I wanted some time to myself. I was busy cleaning up my boat, Salty Dog, and trying to get the hose and the brush before anyone else.

I only remember fragments of what happened next. I collapsed with a massive heart attack, and my heart stopped. The pain was so agonising I would rather have cut my hand off. People pounded on my chest, trying to revive me while they waited for the paramedics to arrive.

I went into a deep, dark abyss and experienced a fear I have never known before. I knew I was somewhere I shouldn’t be, and in that moment I cried out to God, ‘Please don’t leave me!’

Lost at sea

Like many people, I have lived my life my own way. Alison and I met when we were young; we fell in love and got married. I would have described myself as a Christian, but I didn’t live a Christian life. In 1979, we moved from our home in the UK to New Zealand, with two young daughters under three years of age.

I was a selfish person—sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll do not come close to describing the things I did. I am the New Zealand manager for an international security coding company. I was very self-absorbed and lived a hedonistic lifestyle. I drank heavily and stayed out late, entertaining business people. God and family were not my priority.

Yet, in times of crisis, I still cried out to God. When my wife was pregnant with our oldest daughter Sarah, she had complications that meant she had to stay at the hospital and rest. I wasn’t there when Alison went into labour at seven months pregnant and had to give birth by emergency C-section. When I arrived at the hospital, I met my beautiful daughter, who was in the incubator weighing under five pounds. But my wife lay dying.

I went home that night, and in the early hours of the morning the hospital called telling me to come and say my goodbyes to Ali. I cried out to God, promising him I would change my life if only he would save Ali and my daughter. When I got to the hospital, Ali was sat up in bed drinking a cup of tea. It was a miracle.

But I moved on, and didn’t keep my promise to God. It was only 18 months later that my second daughter Amy was born. Amy’s little heart was failing, and she was struggling to breath. Again, Alison lay in hospital extremely sick.

Outside the theatre in the delivery suite, I collapsed on the floor, and again I cried out to God. In that moment, everything seemed to stop and I had a vision. Christ, the Spirit of holiness, pulled up in a car. The passenger door opened and a voice called me, saying, ‘It’s time to get in with me.’ I remember saying to him, ‘If you save my wife and daughter, I’ll do anything for you.’ Again, a miracle happened. A nurse came along and said, ‘Get up, your wife and daughter want to see you.’

But again, I moved on and continued in my selfish ways. And so this has been my constant relationship pattern with Christ and God. In times of hardship, I would call on God with promises, but the rest of the time I lived my own way.

When we came to New Zealand, my wife Alison became a Christian. I just thought she had become a bit eccentric, but I went along to church because she wanted me to. But I knew that I was a hypocrite, so I didn’t want to get close to anyone. I hated emotion and would shut it down if I felt anything. I sat in the corner, hoping not to meet anyone’s eye.

We’ve been married for 42 years, and for 30 years Alison prayed that I would come to know Christ the way that she knows him.

Into the darkness

So, here I was, after a lifetime of abusing my body, finally paying the price. The experience of peering down the dark abyss only lasted a moment, but it was frightening, cold and dark, and I felt very alone.

As soon as I cried out to God, I snapped back into conscious-ness. The paramedics had arrived and had already used their defibrillators on me two or three times. I knew that as soon as I had asked, God had come to rescue me. He had come into the ‘abyss’ and pulled me back. It was only the first miracle that day.

Once we arrived at the hospital, an ECG and my bloods confirmed I’d had a massive heart attack. They continued to try and stabilise me, but things got worse. I saw a figure dressed in black, looking very serious, coming towards me. Yes, I got the fright of my life—but it was a doctor! He told me that they had discovered several blood clots forming in my heart.  

They needed to transfer me to Auckland Hospital as I needed angioplasty to open up the arteries and treat the clots. I had to sign a transfer form, with the words ‘death is imminent’ highlighted. They only do this ‘dash’ in the most critical cases, and many patients die in transit.

I was rushed to hospital, all the while praying to God. Also praying, I discovered later, were Ali in the ambulance, my daughters following by car, and The Salvation Army East City Corps (church) prayer chain.

Into the light

We crossed Auckland in 12 minutes, and I was rushed into the lab. To my surprise, I was greeted by a young woman who had been a family friend since she was eight. She was a doctor at the hospital, and asked if I would like to be treated by her. I was delighted, and she was able hold my hand during this lonely, frightening time. God, I felt, had put somebody in the right place to comfort me.

While I was on the operating table, I was aware of things getting noisy and very busy. The room was full of people, working frantically. In an instant, I was no longer lying on the table watching them; I was above them, looking down at their desperate efforts, wondering what the fuss was about.

The room became very bright and had a soft warm glow. I felt extremely comforted, light and warm. As I watched them, the room got brighter and brighter, and I got further away so all I could see was me, a doctor and a nurse. I felt a real gentleness, and I kept saying ‘Thank you Lord, thank you Lord.’ I knew I was in the presence of God.

The joy I felt doesn’t compare with anything else I have ever experienced. The birth of my daughters was the most wonderful moment of my life, but this was an overwhelming, all-encompassing joy. It was not only the pleasure of being in the presence of God; it was a feeling of significance, wonder and holiness. In an instant, I felt like I had understanding: of life, of God, of it all. I was aware of an assurance that this was real, that I was part of it. It was the greatest gift I’ve ever had.

I told the Lord, ‘I’m ready.’ I knew that as long as I was in God’s presence, my family would be fine. Then, in a moment, I found myself back on the operating table, with the nurse saying, ‘Come on Stephen, wake up, come on.’

Later, I learned that my heart had stopped and they had started the clock, trying to resuscitate me. They were almost ready to call time, but jabbed a shot of atropine straight into my heart as a last resort. I felt that I had been gone for about 30 seconds, but the doctors told me I was dead for six and a half minutes.

Sorting things out

With blocked arteries and blood clots, I was told that I would need open heart surgery. I had to spend five days in hospital, preparing for surgery and having complete rest. My son-in-law made an innocent, passing comment that it would be a good time for me to sort myself out.

How right he was. That week, I spent a lot of time with God. I was thankful, and yet disappointed in myself for all those wasted opportunities. I struggled with my sin and hypocrisy.

I asked God why I had missed so many opportunities. And God spoke into my spirit, leading me to the story of the disciple Peter in the Bible. I felt God was saying to me, ‘Peter loved

and worshipped Jesus. And yet he denounced Jesus three times. He rejected the very son of God. Yet Christ forgave Peter and he went on to do wonderful things.’

I felt God say, ‘So, what hypocrisy of yours is so bad that I can’t forgive it? Why do you diminish the sacrifice that Jesus made for you?’ In that moment, I accepted his forgiveness and stepped into God’s grace.

While I lay in hospital, talking to God in the early  hours of the morning, he made many things clear. I asked God, ‘Why me? Why did you save me?’ I felt him reply, ‘How much do you love your children, your grandchildren and your wife? Is there anything you would not do to save them and keep them safe?’ Then God said, ‘That is how I love you—but even more.’

Me being me, I also did some less-than-wise things. One night, the nurses rushed to my bedside, saying, ‘Your heart rate is dangerously high, what are you doing?’ I was watching a video on my laptop of open heart surgery. Needless to say, they forbade me from doing that again.

By the end of that week, I knew God had forgiven me of my sins, I was no longer condemned by my own hypocrisy, and I knew God loved me. My family gathered around me, and I said my goodbyes as I went into surgery.

Life is beautiful

The surgery went well and my physical heart was repaired. After surgery, when Alison and my daughters Sarah and Amy saw me, I was on life support. At midnight, I began to awaken. Due to the medication, I woke up scared and anxious. My vital signs were extremely elevated.

Next to the bed in ICU, a young nurse called James was holding my hand and mopping my brow. He offered me an alphabet board, as I couldn’t talk. I typed, ‘Get Ali’—and he gathered my family around the bedside.

Later, James told me that it had been hard to get my vital signs under control. But within moments of my family arriving, they all returned to normal. The greatest gift from God is love.

Today, if you ask me to describe how I feel, I have one word: Alive! Every day is beautiful. On a rainy day, I find myself sitting on the deck looking out, thinking, ‘What a gorgeous day.’

God has honoured Alison for her many years of faithfulness in praying for me and staying by my side. I have been humbled and am walking in God’s grace. Instead of shutting down my emotions, my heart is open to God and the people at our church. I just want to serve God in any way I can, and I love telling people about him.

You don’t have to go through the pain I went through. I can tell you God is real, and he loves you! Regardless of the baggage you bring, he will welcome you. God lives in eternity—I spent six and a half minutes in his pure presence, and it has changed my life forever.

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by Stephen Blakey (c) 'War Cry' magazine, 2 May 2015, pp5-7.
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