Life on the light side

Author and illustrator Matthew Johnstone describes his life as ‘like a Star Wars box set’, moving from the dark side into the light. Best known for his number one-selling I Had A Black Dog, Matthew is now tackling the hot (but often vague) topic of resiliency.

Matthew Johnstone jokes that when he first came across the term ‘resilience’ he thought it was the by-product of shampoo. But he has now written about the topic in his eighth illustrated book, The Big Little Book of Resiliency.

Matthew, originally from Christchurch, has become known the world over for his colourful, coffee table-style picture books tackling the unlikely topics of depression and mental wellness. He is best known for his first book, I Had a Black Dog, which went to number one in the UK and has been published in more than 20 countries.

Seven publishers rejected the book, saying, ‘Who has ever heard of a picture book about depression?’ Yet that is exactly what has resonated with so many people around the world, and it has now become Matthew’s unique, signature style.

A sense of humour is the secret to his books’ successes. ‘Depression is one of those topics that you don’t joke about, but when you use humour, it normalises it and takes the fear away,’ says Matthew, adding, ‘And adults love a picture book!’

‘I’m like a Star Wars box set,’ Matthew says irreverently. ‘I started on the dark side and moved my way to the light side. I started by tackling the “black dog”—the topic of depression—and have moved towards wellness.’

Ten years after his first book was published, it seemed a natural next step to portray the positive topic of resiliency, in all its facets —and it turns out it has nothing to do with shampoo. ‘Resiliency was originally used as a term for the flexibility of metal and its ability to bounce back into its original form,’ Matthew explains. ‘Resilience is such an important part of being able to overcome adversity, so it ties really well into the package of mental wellness.’

Matthew’s conversation is peppered with insightful sayings: ‘It’s better to bend like a reed in a strong wind than to snap like an oak,’ he adds.

The darkest day

Matthew’s books are a mirror of his own journey from depression to health. At the age of 28, Matthew moved to Australia and then New York, trailblazing a luminous career as a creative director in advertising. He gives an honest description of his job as ‘getting people to buy stuff they didn’t know they wanted or needed’.

But he discovered that his perfectionism did not make an easy companion: ‘I worked stupid hours and felt I had to do it all myself —and if you’re not taking care of your stress, it leads to insomnia and depression. I became very depressed, but I didn’t want to let anyone down, so I superglued on my show face, and that’s when things started to really unravel.’

At times—when he hit several rock bottoms—Matthew sought help, but his ‘typical male ego’ stopped him from making real changes. ‘The way I dealt with it was to leave relationships, quit jobs, move countries, do recreational drugs and alcohol, and all that avoidance stuff.’

But it was a day etched into our global cultural memory that became a personal turning point. Matthew only needs to name that day as ‘9/11’. He was a block from the World Trade Centre when the first plane struck. On his way to help, Matthew was stopped by a man warning him not to go to the site. Matthew turned back, just before the second plane struck, and his life was spared.

‘It was the realisation that the life I was living wasn’t working for me. We struggle through life and have real difficulties and never try to make real change,’ explains Matthew. But on this day, he knew he had to make a choice to start living the life he wanted.

Creating the black dog

Soon after, Matthew spent an afternoon ‘scribbling’ the concept for his picture book I Had A Black Dog. ‘Ninety per cent of what I scribbled down that day became the book. It drew itself,’ he reflects.

Matthew used the metaphor made famous by Winston Churchill, who described his depression as a black dog. His illustrations focus on a slightly forlorn looking dog, who follows around the main character, waiting patiently for his attention.

Matthew remembers sending the book to a well-known American author, who said that the dog should be more menacing, with fangs and frothing at the mouth. But to Matthew, that just didn’t feel right: ‘The dog is essentially ourselves, and I wanted to take the fear out of it. It has to be a slow, cumbersome dog that is staring at you patiently—the dog is yourself waiting for you to address it, so it shouldn’t be something terrifying.

‘If we’ve temporarily lost control of the dog, it needs to be disciplined, understood and loved, then we can bring it to heel—and heal ourselves.’

Yet, Matthew found himself terrified of sharing his story with the world. Fearing that it would affect friendships and job opportunities, Matthew sat on the book for four years. ‘But I knew in my heart of hearts that [publishing it] was something I needed to do.’

Today, he describes publishing the book as ‘the best thing I’ve ever done—next to marrying my wife and having my kids’.

Today, Matthew continues to get emails about I Had a Black Dog from all over the world: ‘One letter I remember well was a short, abrupt email that said, “I went to a café today to get the courage to kill myself. And I read a double-page spread about your book in the newspaper. I went straight to the doctor, and I’m not feeling any better, but at least I have hope now.” ’

Life on the light side

Despite the often sobering topic of mental health, Matthew says that his life today is full of laughter. He remembers stepping outside of the BBC after a sombre interview in London, and feeling so excited to be in the UK: ‘We couldn’t stop laughing, we were having so much fun,’ he recalls.

Matthew’s recent books have focused on the spectrum of what it means to be well, emotionally and mentally. In The Big Little Book of Resiliency, Matthew describes how life doesn’t always go according
to plan, and how resiliency is the flexibility to deal with life’s hills and dales.

In a style that can easily be dipped in and out of, Matthew illustrates how things like vulnerability, positive self-talk and giving yourself a break contribute to resiliency. His favourite image is of a man hugging a giant wart-faced monster, saying, ‘I love you warts and all.’

His mum’s favourite picture is of a man in a desert who has cast off his armour and is facing the sun naked, with the words: ‘Vulnerability in the right environment is not only liberating it’s wonderfully healing.’

‘Resilience is important, because when we talk about mental health, people say either “that’s me” or “that’s not me”, but everyone needs resiliency. From a car crash, to divorce, to climbing a mountain, it all takes resilience,’ Matthew explains.

It’s particularly important to illustrate men showing vulnerability and self-compassion, he adds, because in our culture it is still hard for guys to get through. One illustration shows a muscle-bound man looking in the mirror and saying to himself, ‘I’m here for you tough guy.’

Matthew references one of our national heroes, Sir John Kirwan, for breaking open the secret world of depression. When JK first brought up his suicidal feelings to a fellow All Black, the response was: ‘Have you told anyone about this? I wouldn’t. You’re an All Black, and All Blacks don’t go and have a sook every time they spill their cereal in the morning.’

‘My dad was a farmer and had a “she’ll be right” attitude,’ recalls Matthew. ‘He used minimal conversation with short words, and could tell stories about the past, but didn’t talk about the present. Sadly, he died an alcoholic, but not surprisingly, because he didn’t know how to ask for help. Today, I spend a lot of time talking to farmers, who are isolated by land and culture.’

Better conversations

Matthew attributes three cornerstones that helped him get well, and helps to keep him well today: communication—which Matthew describes as the bedrock of his marriage—exercise, and mindfulness or mediation, similar to the Christian concept of contemplative prayer.

His working life is today split into three equal parts: consultancy with the Black Dog institute, writing and illustrating books, and public speaking and workshops. Matthew has travelled into some of the world’s biggest disaster areas—including his hometown of Christchurch after the earthquakes, where his mum and brother still live—encouraging resilient communities.

‘The conversations I have today are so much more interesting,’ he says. ‘When we expose our vulnerability and speak from our heart, it’s an incredibly liberating thing to do. When we take our adversity and use it for others, that’s when we start to realise why we’re here on this planet.’

The Big Little Book of Resilience by Matthew Johnstone (Pan MacMillan Australia) is available at all good booksellers in NZ, including Whitcoulls and Paper Plus. Or go to www.panmacmillan.com.au to order direct from the publishers.     Go to www.matthewjohnstone.com.au

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by Ingrid Barratt (c) 'War Cry' magazine, 21 March 2015, pp5-7.
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