How can I be closer to my brother?

How can I build a closer relationship to my brother? We come from a loving family, but don’t have much in common and have never been close.

Being siblings is a unique relationship—but you are also unique individuals. This means you will have different personalities, strengths and weaknesses.

Yet you have one thing in common: the same family. For you, this sounds like it was a source of strength, rather than pain—so you have a great starting point to develop a closer relationship. However, the things that cause siblings to drift apart usually start early in life—there is no one you will be more compared to than your siblings. This can cause us to wear unfair labels (such as, ‘he’s sensible, but she’s a runaway’). It can also cause competitiveness that leads to resentment.

So, the first step to building a closer relationship with your brother is to identify and let go of anything that may be a source of resentment. Often the most simple and effective way is simply to understand you’re different—but that doesn’t mean better or worse. Accept your sibling for who they are, and accept yourself for you who are.

And accept if your brother doesn’t put the same effort into your relationship. You are doing this because it is a desire of your heart.

You may have to break old patterns—picking up the phone, saying an awkward ‘I love you’ (and getting an awkward response), and taking an interest in the things that are important to him. Celebrate his strengths—knowing that they are not a threat to your own strengths.

It may feel uncomfortable while you change the ‘steps’ of your family ‘dance’—but as you persevere, he will more than likely adapt and learn the new ‘steps’ too.

Just ensure you don’t wear yourself out trying to make the relationship work. See it for what it is, and make it work as best you can—but only if it is working for you as well.

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by Ingrid Barratt(c) 'War Cry' magazine, 23 July 2016, pp 9.
You can read 'War Cry' at your nearest Salvation Army church or centre, or subscribe through Salvationist Resources.