Do I have the gift of singleness?

Singleness is often called a gift, but is it the gift that nobody wants?

The concept of the ‘gift of singleness’ is often used as a reason for why some people stay single. The assumption seems to be that if you have this mystical spiritual gift, you will be happy and content in your singleness.  Meanwhile, married people breathe a sigh of relief that they weren’t lumped with the gift that nobody wants.

This concept of the ‘gift of singleness’ is actually a misquote from Scripture. What Paul actually says in 1 Corinthians 7:7 is, ‘But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.’ He is saying that being married is a gift, and being single is a gift.

In other words, the ‘gift’ is simply the art of being content in whatever situation we find ourselves in. If we are single, we should find the gift that lies within our singleness. Equally, if we are married, we should find contentment in this situation—and as anyone that is married knows, that can be just as challenging as being single.

However, single Christians have an extra challenge because —unlike the rest of the world—singles are a minority in churches. It’s refreshing to remind ourselves, then, that Paul is decidedly non-marriage centric. In fact, he is so enthusiastic about being single that he says, ‘I wish all of you were as I am’ (1 Corinthians 7:6). He sees singleness as a great blessing because it allows him an undivided devotion to Christ.

Being single is in no way spiritually inferior—if anything, both Paul and Jesus hinted that singleness is the superior path. One of the teachings of Jesus that you will never hear talked about from the pulpit is that if we can accept becoming ‘eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven’ we should (Matthew 19:12). If singles feel inferior at times, it is because of our culture, not the Bible.

Ultimately, the secret is not with our marital status, but in choosing contentment. The number one eroder of contentment is comparing ourselves to others. Our inner voice of comparison is usually inaccurate. Why is everyone married but me? Why is everyone’s marriage happier than mine? Comparison breeds discontent.

But its antidote is gratitude. When you find yourself spiralling into comparison, stop and ask yourself, ‘What can I be grateful for today?’ See challenges as a thread that makes up the tapestry of your life, not the whole picture. Life is never all bad—or all good for that matter.

Contentment is not the same as complacency. It’s not an excuse to stay in bad situations—such as chronic loneliness or an abusive marriage. But contentment will help you to grow and develop the gifts that God has imbedded into your life.