I knew this was different

I was born into a Salvationist family in the small rural town of Te Aroha, in Waikato. My mother was a nurse, my father was panel beater, and I had a brother and a sister.

Things started to change for me in my early teens. I developed a violent temper and would fly into a rage at the smallest thing. I began to hear voices in my head, but I didn’t tell anyone. I didn’t think my parents would understand, so I kept quiet about the struggles I was facing.

This led to a deep depression and paranoia, and by my late teens I was having suicidal thoughts.

I moved to Auckland to get away from everything, but it all followed me there. I finally told someone about the voices and suicidal thoughts and was prescribed anti-depression medication by my doctor.

However, I was soon self-medicating with alcohol and quickly became a very heavy drinker. I banded together with a small group of people who were anti-establishment and very cynical. Eventually all our negative cynical attitudes tore us apart. I decided to get some help for my drinking and went into a rehab centre in Mount Eden.

After rehab and the ending of a destructive relationship, I began to look at myself and where my life was heading.

The first time I heard God speak was completely out of the blue. I hadn’t been near a church since I was young and I wasn’t even looking for God.

I was used to hearing voices in my head, but when I heard God speak in my mind, I knew this was different and I instantly recognised who was speaking to me. God made me a promise: ‘Robert, you will be a new man!’
I decided to head along to a church. My brother Stephen is a Salvation Army officer and he suggested I go to Mount Albert Corps.

That was eight or nine years ago. After I moved to my current flat seven years ago, I became a regular at the corps and was soon on the door welcoming people to the church gathering each Sunday. I like to encourage people with positive messages like: ‘It’s a good day to be alive’ or ‘Life is good, life is what you make it.’

Life hasn’t been easy for me and in many respects still isn’t. My schizophrenia means my mind is always at war with itself. But this has also meant I’ve developed an incredibly strong faith in God. I have to daily depend on God and his promises.

I’ve developed a steadfast, desperate trust in God. I hold tight to the promise in Romans 8:28: ‘And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.’

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by Robert Crump (c) 'War Cry' magazine, 18 November 2017, p11
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