Spare the rod

‘Spare the rod and spoil the child’ … ‘This all too familiar phrase is often used to argue that the Bible supports smacking or hitting children and that responsible parents would be failing in their duty if they did not,’ says Rhonda Pritchard, in the Families Commission booklet Children Are Unbeatable.

This excerpt gives a more biblical reading of the famous phrase: ‘Spare the rod, spoil the child’ does not actually appear in the Bible but in a 17th century poem by Samuel Butler. The book of Proverbs does include verses that have been interpreted as endorsing physical punishment: He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him. (Proverbs 13:24) Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him. (Proverbs 22:15)

It’s interesting that Proverbs is the only part of the Bible that includes verses that might be quoted to imply that physical punishment of children is recommended. But New Zealandbased Samoan minister and theologian Nove Vailaau points out that the word ‘rod’ in Proverbs was translated from the Hebrew word shebet, which meant sceptre or staff —as in a shepherd’s staff used for guiding the sheep. If the original writer had meant a beating rod, the Hebrew word muwcar would have been used instead.

‘In this sense, the “rod” is used metaphorically. Psalm 23 defines this “rod” as a rod that brings comfort in times of uncertainty. “Your rod and your staff they comfort me,” says verse 4. A shepherd uses his rod to gently guide his flock—not to strike them. The “rod” may also be understood figuratively as referring to the Torah, the Law, which guides the people within the boundaries of God’s will,’ says Vailaau.

The inference to be taken is not that parents will ‘spoil’ their children if they don’t hit them, but that they will spoil their children if they don’t guide, protect and teach them.’

The Good Shepherd

This image of the shepherd who guides and protects his flock was perfected in Jesus. ‘I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me,’ says Jesus in John 10:14. Here, he describes a relationship of intimacy and love between him and his ‘flock’. It is a powerful image of a gentle, guiding, loving hand.

Using this metaphor, Jesus tells a beautiful story of his relationship with his flock, or children: ‘Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbours together and says, “Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep” ’ (Luke 15:4-6). There is no hint of the harsh ‘rod’ of discipline in Jesus’ teachings. Instead, we fi nd the image of a nurturing God who carries us close and rejoices over us.

As followers of Christ, constantly learning to become more like him, we are called to mirror this guiding, compassionate love in all our relationships. ‘We are called to be the embodiment of God’s love, perfected in humanity—and for humanity—by Jesus. “Love one another as I have loved you.” This is the kind of love parents must share with their children,’ sums up Vailaau.

All powerful, all loving

Jesus’ example of shepherding love can be widened to provide a picture of how Scripture views authority and power.

‘From a biblical perspective, all power and authority belongs to God as the creator, preserver and governor of all things,’ says the Moral and Social (Ethics) Council (MASIC) Talk Sheet on ‘Power in the Church’, adding that ‘human authority—and the exercise of power—is legitimate only insofar as it is understood as delegated stewardship from God’.

We are all part of power structures—in relationships, church, work, families and so on. And the Bible has clear guidelines about how we should exercise our power:

• If we are in a position of power or authority, we are instructed to use it for God’s purposes (Matthew 20:25).

• If we are under the authority of another, the instruction is to respect that authority (Hebrews 13:17).

Both of these instructions work together—and if one party misuses their position, these positions become open to abuse.

Again, Jesus provides a perfect example of godly authority: ‘In the gospels, Jesus clearly has power. Over and over again he is portrayed as one who has the ability to make things happen. Jesus forgave sins, he healed physical illness, and he changed the course of people’s lives,’ says MASIC. But the way that Jesus made things happen is signifi cant:

Jesus’ question to blind Bartimeaus, “What do you want me to do for you?” (Mark 10:51), is a good example. Bartimeaus is a partner in his own healing, which occurs at Jesus’ invitation. The pattern is repeated in many places … Jesus’ way is the way of invitation; not compulsion, coercion or manipulation.

’ According to Jesus’ example, authority is exercised only in partnership with others. It is never used to control or subjugate, but only to empower others.

In fact, one of the most startling things about Jesus is the generosity with which he imparted his power, always praising others for their faith and even downplaying his own power. As the ‘servant King’ Jesus was (and still is) constantly challenging human power structures.

Head of the household?

Power structures in our culture are perhaps most intimately expressed through our family structures. Despite Jesus’ example of servanthood, generosity and partnership, Christian culture has often reinforced an unhealthy power imbalance within the home. ‘Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord,’ says Ephesians 5:22. Th is verse has become the basis for a prominent view of ‘male headship’ within the family. ‘For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Saviour.’

Jewish Christian writer Michele Guinness argues that by taking this verse out of its Jewish context, we have distorted the true meaning of this scripture. She points out that we have inherited a ‘Roman-Greek’ view of hierarchy, which looks more like a ladder, with each step of the rung given greater authority. Those above us on the ladder have more power. Those below us have less power.

However, in Jewish thought, hierarchy was viewed as interdependent and circular. A Jewish reading of this verse would see Christ connected with men; men connected with women; and women connected back with Christ—in a circular rhythm of life. This is a much truer reflection of Jesus’ model of authority, which was only exercised in partnership and cooperation. To use the concept of ‘headship’ to control or dominate is not only a misuse of power, but an abuse of Scripture.

A scenario from MASIC helps show how subtly an unhealthy view of power has crept into Christian thinking: ‘Joanna was an intelligent, yet shy person. Her husband, Mark, was held in high regard ... for taking his role as “spiritual head of the family” so seriously. He managed the family finances carefully and expected to be kept fully informed of his wife’s activities during the day while he was at work. ... Joanna took to heart Mark’s expectation that she would defer to him in most decisions.

‘However, Joanna was unhappy and could not understand why she could not get “victory” over her feelings ... Mark was also unhappy with Joanna and increasingly felt he had to “discipline” her verbally ... [He believed] all she needed to do was follow his guidance and that of Ephesians 5,22,24, which he said described how to be a good wife and a victorious Christian. Mark would take care of everything else, he said.

’ We can see in this example how spiritual, emotional and verbal abuse can be ‘sanctioned’ by a hierarchical view of headship. ‘Joanna is subject to a husband who is using isolated Bible texts to control her. This is compounded by Mark being held up as a good example within the corps, reinforcing a pattern of thinking that takes away Joanna’s right to direct her own wellbeing,’ sums up MASIC.

A biblical view of violence

The misuse of power is abuse. This can be emotional, psychological, spiritual and/or physical, expressed through forms of violence. It is perhaps most prevalent in the family structure, where violence can be perpetuated toward a spouse or children.

‘The Bible portrays violence as fundamentally abnormal and pathological,’ says the New Dictionary of Christian Ethics and Pastoral Theology (IVP). Instances of Israel participating in violence are circumstantial, an example of God entering into an epoch that doesn’t reflect God’s original plan and purpose. Interestingly, violence is limited to the Old Testament and not reflected in New Testament teachings. For instance, when Peter cuts off the ear of the soldier who comes to arrest Jesus, his actions are condemned by Jesus (John 18:10).

We have a pastoral responsibility to care for those caught up in violence—either as perpetrators or victims. Our first concern must always be to care for the powerless—as we are instructed throughout Scripture. But off enders also need pastoral care. ‘The offender can think of no other suitable act to adequately express the depth of anger and frustration,’ says James D. Berkley in Called into Crisis. ‘For most, it’s a learned response … they wouldn’t calmly choose it from a list of appropriate responses were they sober and in control. For all, it is an inadequate and damaging way to respond to a loved one.’

When Parliament was considering the repeal of section 59 of the Crimes Act, a number of Auckland church leaders joined together to make this public statement, which is a good start to a conversation about a Christian response to family violence: ‘The majority of parents want to do the best for their children. It is misguided to believe that hitting children is in their interests. The most effective way of guiding children’s behaviour is through example. This was the way of Jesus, whose life role-modelled a preference for love over violence. By contrast, hitting children endorses a pattern of violence which is passed on from one generation to the next.’

Most Christians say they do not condone violence. But it is also time for the Christian community to come together and re-think the power structures that allow for the abuse and misuse of power —whether within families, the church or society.

Ponder This

• It is always easier to recognise when people are misusing power over us, than when we are misusing our power over others. In which relationships might you have power over others? Can you identify any situations where your relationship has been more about power than love?
• What is the loving Christian response to those we see misusing power?
• Reflect on your own relationships. How can you be more refl ective of Jesus’ model of shepherding authority?

---

by Ingrid Barratt (c) 'War Cry' magazine, 15 November 2014, pp12-13
You can read 'War Cry' at your nearest Salvation Army church or centre, or subscribe through Salvationist Resources.